She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
