why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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