I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
