About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
