That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
