im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize