areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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