Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your penis caused this!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
