Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
