Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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