It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
