2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Even my vagina gasped.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
