I want to walk on stilts...naked
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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