you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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