we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
