as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize