you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
