her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
