After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
