i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The struggles of a small town man whore
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