When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
