I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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