This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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