I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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