She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
