hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize