I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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