at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize