It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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