After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
