if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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