I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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