you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
