Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
