DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
