thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
