Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
