You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
