She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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