I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize