well I can't set my house on fire every night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
