what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
