Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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