You really coming over, don't trick.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
