..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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