I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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