she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
