I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
