last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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