Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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