You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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