cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
