Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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