wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
