Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize