While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just gift wrapped bread.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
