The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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