and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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