remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
