All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
