He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
