I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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