She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
