Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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