he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
