somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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