But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
