Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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