but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
