he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
