tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
