I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize