noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
