i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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