no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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