people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
