If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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