"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize