so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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