Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pants are for mortals
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
