Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
