we have pet lesbian snakes
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize