I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
