Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
