id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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