I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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