Heybabeimwearingurpanties
it hurts more in the daytime
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
