in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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