i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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