I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
