I cannot find my penis.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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